Flying Solo

Call it what you will: partner, fiancé, boyfriend, husband, long-term, monogamous, committed situation...

I have been without one of those for more than six months now. This is an all-time record for me. I turned 47 two weeks ago and I haven't been without one of those for more than a month in the past 25 years.

I've adjusted - pretty well, some might say - finding my way back into the family of creatives, reading "fresh ink" (what we call the stuff we've just written) at open mics, keeping up with my blog, my letter-writing, my exercise routine. I bought a freakin' motorcycle. I ride it as often as I can and feel the wind in my face and experience this great and joyful sense of loving my life. (I'm fairly certain, for a reason that eludes me, I never would have bought a motorcycle had I been in one of those.)

A friend said recently, "We need to fix you up with someone. You need to go on a date." I shuddered visibly - maybe even audibly. A date? Sitting across the table from a stranger asking inane questions like, "Where do you work?" and "What are your hobbies?"

It is as inconceivable as finding myself on a rocket bound for the moon.

Some friends have had luck in the online dating world. See above reference to rocket bound for moon.


As I get on with my life I sometimes wonder, will it always be like this? I have so little experience not being in a relationship that it actually feels like - how do I explain? - like my only way to ensure being in a relationship was to run them back to back for a quarter century.  Not doing that makes me believe - quite deeply - that I'll never find my way into another one. I just don't know how.

This might actually be okay. I've had more than my fair share, and I may have even proven I'm not exactly cut out for it. Would it be so bad to carry on, riding my motorcycle to poetry gigs, meeting my friends for book talks and meals in swanky restaurants, and devoting myself to the unconditional love of a little dog named Bill, whose only daily expectations of me are two scoops of Purina One Smartblend Lamb and Rice Formula, throwing the tennis ball in the backyard approximately 20 times, and cuddling up at bedtime for 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep?

If you ask Bill, he'll tell you: I'm great at this.