Deal With It

Why do people in their twenties seem to think that people in their thirties are just a spoonful of Metamucil away from ordering off the senior menu at Denny’s? They talk about their impending “Big 3 – 0” like it’s a long-range missile trained on their personal GPS coordinates. When that weapon strikes, the 29-year-old will apparently have the instant and overwhelming compulsion to buy a packet of Tums, a pair of powder blue polyester stretch pants and some $4.99 reading glasses at the Walmart. Oh, no, my first gray hair! Life might as well be over!

Young People – and by that I mean – well – you know who you are – I’m here to offer my services. In my educational DVD entitled “Suck it up and deal – how to start a new decade without the whining” you can glimpse what could be in store for you upon finally reaching your- gasp! – next birthday with a zero at the end of it! In this sixty-minute program, I’ll reveal some basic techniques which hinge upon the principles that (1) life is precious and worth living to its fullest and (2) to go on living means ya gotta age.

You need to bite the gray-headed bullet and bite down hard. Once I teach you how, you can ingest all of that power you’ve been giving to the idea of aging badly and turn it into something I like to call self-esteem. Not that know-it-all, blustery bravado you’ve pretended was self-esteem, either, but the bonafide, genuine, real deal.

For a limited time only, you can have this amazing DVD for just $39.99!

But wait, there’s more! Buy now and I’ll throw in the award-winning booklet “Snivel No More – Stuff You Don’t Realize Until You’re 40.” Here’s a sneak peak: You actually have to listen sometimes. Not that foot-tapping-eyes-roaming-around-the-room distracted form of pretense favored by people – yeah, you – who are just waiting for your turn to talk. You need to start paying attention – especially to people who are older than you and might have something meaningful to impart. "Snivel No More"

will show you how.

But that’s not all!  Included in this low-priced offer is a special kit that will reveal to you with near x-ray vision all those social leeches who suck the very oxygen out of a room. It’s backed up by a support system that’ll daily reassure you – sometimes, it’s okay to judge a book by its cover. Why waste what precious little time you got left on emotional parasites?

And ... If you are one of the next 50 callers, we’ll throw in our hot-off-the-press e-book called “Sometimes Your Parents Were Right.” Valued by actual moms and dads as worth over two billion dollars!

Don’t miss your chance – just $39.99. Satisfaction guaranteed.  If after 30 days you haven’t stopped whining about getting older and embraced it with both arms open, we’ll give you your money back!

Special restrictions may apply. Not included are shipping, handling, and a federal usage tax for people who wasted their twenties worrying about things they cannot possibly control. Suck it up and deal and Order Now! You can’t afford not to!